“There is nothing wrong with change, if it is in the right direction.” – Winston Churchill
Frustrated. Confused. Sad. Hopeless. These all describe how I feel about work right now. I think I am safe to say this is also how most of my coworkers feel as well. It is disheartening to work at a place where you feel your voice is neither heard nor wanted. It is maddening to be told everything you have done at work previous to the new administration taking over was crap (though it really wasn’t). It is so hard to sit through a meeting where any ideas or imput are shot down the minute they are offered. It is gut-wrenching to watch as your co-workers are demoted and fired or accused of something they did not do. And, it frightening to learn that there is virtually nothing that can be done to stop what is happening – that Oregon law gives very few rights to the worker.
And it is demoralizing to know that here I sit at 5am because I cannot sleep for thinking of what is going on – that the helplessness I feel invades my sleep, causes nightmares and makes me sick. I am tired and sore from the jaw clenching -mostly to keep my big mouth shut for fear of what I might say. I am sick from the anxiety and worry about my job, about my co-workers and mostly, about the people we serve. For it is they who ultimately lose in this situation.
I used to enjoy going to work. I enjoyed the camaraderie with my co-workers, many of whom I had worked with for years – knew well and trusted. I used to enjoy what I did, though the money was never good and the clients difficult. At least I knew that I could go to my supervisors for support; I knew teamwork existed and that we helped one another. I knew that we all did the best job we could and really cared about one another and our clients. Now…
Now I am faced with a dilemma – do I stay or do I go? It is especially hard because of the economy – I know there are very few jobs right now. I know that my family needs the money. Yet, the very thought of going to work feels me with dread. So I will pray, pray and pray some more, and then I will start looking for something else.
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